R is for Reconcile

This week we continue exploring the meaning behind my chaplaincy mission statement. I hope it helps you develop a personal parenting mission statement.

Take Time to CARE

To reconcile is more than saying sorry. Reconciliation starts with one person feeling sorry and saying so to the person they hurt. But this is only the first step.

The second step of reconciliation is for the person who has been hurt/wronged to accept the apology. Without this step, the problem will most likely recur. Just as it takes two to tangle, it takes two to untangle. Saying “I forgive you” and meaning it is one of the most important wellbeing skills we can learn.

The third step of reconciliation is to talk about what happens next. What needs to change? What will we do next time we feel the way we felt which lead to this problem? How will we interrupt the pattern so it does not escalate into us hurting each other?

The last step of reconciliation is also the most important habit of healthy relationships. When practiced regularly, this step will save you and those around you from a world of hurt. This relationship healing, lifesaving habit, can change the world. In most cultures, there is a maxim about treating others the way you would like to be treated. This “Golden Rule” is taught to children by parents right around the world.

The Golden Rule is so powerful that, if applied regularly, you will rarely need to reconcile. The way I teach this to kids is to say, “Close your eyes. Now imagine the very best thing someone else could say to you today. Now open your eyes. If you went and said that ‘very best thing’ to someone else right now, how do you think it would make them feel?” All kids say, “Good!” And then I challenge them: “So, go say it!”

The Golden Rule: Do to others what you wish they would do to you.

Reconcile: What you do when the Golden Rule is broken.