change your habits without obsessing about them

Forming Healthy Habits

You can change your habits without obsessing about them by focusing on your environment and rituals. Let me explain.

Habits

Life is all about habits. Both success and failure are formed by our habits. Repetition is the primary way we learn. We become the things we do repetitively — these are our habits.

Growth: We build habits to achieve goals. This is how we get better at anything — try, try, try again. The more we practise, the more our success. How many times has your favourite AFL player kicked a footy? hundreds of thousands of times, no doubt. Likewise: catching, bouncing, passing and running. That’s why they are professionals!

Stagnation: We also form habits of ease or comfort. They make us feel safe. If it makes me happy, I do it. If it relaxes me, I do it. If I do it repeatedly, a habit forms and can be hard to change. Selfish habits can lead to poor relationships or poor health.

Environment

The easiest way to change a bad habit is to form a new one to replace it.

The easiest way to form a new habit is to change your environment.

Take Footy/Xbox for example: If you want to spend more time practising footy skills, spend more time on an oval with friends and a ball. It’s hard to play Xbox or watch TV on an oval. So, spending more time on an oval changes two habits — replacing one with the other — by changing the environment.

Rituals

Another way to successfully change a habit is to combine it with a ritual you enjoy. Time with a friend/partner/child. A trip to the shops. Going out for coffee. Driving.

Use your rituals to build better habits:

What more exercise? Park further from the shops — or walk from home.

Want to read more? Take a book to a coffee house and switch your phone off.

Want to learn something new? Listen to an audiobook while driving.

Want to run/walk regularly? Ask your friend/partner/child to join you.

Change

Mythologist Joseph Campbell is best known for his statement: ‘follow your bliss’ — an invitation taken to heart by many young people seeking life’s purpose. Near the end of his life, Campbell quipped, ‘I wish I’d said follow your blisters.’ He’d learned, as we all do, that our time-worn habits are what shape our greatest attributes.

Most people hate changing habits. Focusing on the habit itself can be overwhelming and disheartening. But, choosing our environment and strengthening our rituals can be fun and will cause habits to fall into place without hardly thinking about them.

Resilience Research Workbook - Free PDF

Resilience studies have shown that the resilience of a child (of any person, actually) can be readily demonstrated through two indicators.

1. How well they know their story and stories about their family

2. How many significant adults they participate with regularly

This booklet combines the 20 questions researchers ask kids to assess their family knowledge and a list of five significant adults and why they are significant. 

When I give this booklet to a student, we spend the session filling in all the answers they know personally. I watch carefully, asking questions as we go along, and at the end of this session I have a strong assessment of their resilience. So far, I have found it to be very accurate to my previous assessment of the student. 

I then send the workbook home with the child to complete with help from their family. This gets the family talking and, in time, will raise the wellbeing and resilience of the child.

The booklet is formatted to print double-sided and fold in half. Please print and use this booklet as you see fit. 

Please feel free to share booklet. In the future, send me an email and let me know how it has helped the children in your life.

Resilience Research Workbook

Free Workbook PDF - USA Spelling

Resilience Research Workbook

This one is the British / Australian version

Brave Kwame - Free Children's eBook

This amazing true refugee story teaches the power of including others and telling our story!

Free eBook

Enjoy!

And share!

Jimmy and the Black Spot - Free Children's eBook

I wrote this children's book to encourage us all to see the needs of others.

Enjoy this free eBook

So far, no publisher has taken me up on this story.

If you are a publisher who'd like to see it illustrated and published, please email me!

Free children's eBook - The Forgotten Path

I wrote this children's book to encourage respect for the elderly.

Enjoy this free eBook of an adventurous story with an important message!

So far, no publisher has taken me up on this story.

If you are a publisher who'd like to see it illustrated and published, please email me! 

2 Words + 3 Words = 1 Word

     ~ the secret to happiness ~ 

Last week I chatted with two girls – best friends.

I asked them: “What’s the next big thing coming up that you’re excited about?” This is one of my favourite questions. It always unlocks a world of stories and potential mentoring topics.

One girl started, “Camping! We always go camping at Easter.”

“Cool,” I said, “Who is going with you?”

“Everyone! My family. My cousins. My grandparents.” Then she turned to look at the other girl. “And my best friend!”

“Wow!” I said to the other girl, “You get to go camping with her family! That’s cool.”

“Not just me!” She said, “My family comes, too. We do it every year.”

“That sounds like fun!” I laughed. “Do you go camping often?”

They both nodded their heads. 

Then the first girl’s eyes teared up. “But you know what?”

I saw something big coming. I leaned forward and focused on her eyes. “What?”

“Sometimes, my parents leave me with my grandparents,” her voice was a shaky whisper as she confessed, “and they go on holiday without me.”

“By themselves?” I said quietly.

She nodded.

“That’s AWESOME!” I nearly shouted, throwing my hands up in the air. “Do you know what that means?”

Scowling at my joy, she said, “What?”

“They love each other!” I clasped my hands together. “Am I right?”

“Yes,” she said, smiling sheepishly. “They always say that.”

“And they are proving it, by spending time together.” I said, “They are keeping their love alive and keeping your family strong by going away together. You are one lucky girl!”

“I am?” She looked happier, hopeful even.

“Yes, you are!” I leaned back in my chair. “You both are.”

“Your parents know the secret to happiness!” I cupped my hands together like they held a surprise. “Do you want to know the secret?” I peeked in my hands. “I have it here in my hands.”

“Yes,” they both said, excited.

“Repeat after me,” I said as I lifted my cupped hands up to my ear and paused to listen.

“I’m sorry!” I said.

“I’m sorry!” They both repeated.

My hands shook like there was something trying to get out. “Oh, there’s more to the secret!” I held it up to my ear.

I smiled. “I forgive you!”

“I forgive you!” They laughed, repeating me.

“Those five little words are the secret to happiness.” I said, “Your parents obviously know them well. I’m guessing they taught those words to you, already.”

Both girls nodded.

“You are the luckiest girls in the whole school.”

“We are?”

“Yup.”

Time for Self-Care

Self-care is choosing to actively spend time maintaining your overall health and happiness. Taking care of yourself leads to holistic healthiness – body, mind, social and spiritual wellbeing.

Daily Time: Find daily time for yourself. Start small. One nurturing activity each day will lead to beneficial long-term results.

Weekly Time: Switch off the technology and spend time with your family for an entire day each weekend. A day disconnected from work each week greatly benefits the health and well-being of both you and your family.

Group Time: Join a club that meets regularly. Spending time with peers doing something you love will increase your friendships which is proven to add years to your life!

Annual Time: A yearly holiday away from home, work, school and all the other responsibilities of everyday life is important for both you and your family. It doesn’t need to be expensive or distant, just get away and spend time having fun with those you love.

A happier healthier you improves relationships with family, friends and workmates.